WHAT DOES SUCCESS LOOK LIKE

The question “What makes one successful in life?” can usually be answered with a tangible good (e.g. money) or an abstract thought (e.g. power). That said, a fundamental problem to such answers is the possible controversy that can arise. The reason being is that success tends to fall in the hands of the beholder, meaning that there is no universal truth to success that is shared amongst everyone. The sub-questions that then follow are “How do you measure success?” or even more simply, “What is the definition of success?” The Webster Dictionary defines success as “the fact of getting or achieving, wealth, respect or fame” which again, can be the definition for some people or the majority even, but that definition is not universal. At different points in life, the definitions and or measurements of success change. For this reason, I will write more on what intrinsic traits a successful person possesses rather than trying to draw a picture of a successful person. Although I am by no means at the stage where I can label myself as successful per se, I will delve into this topic further by sharing some of my successful experiences.

One of the earliest memories I have of my childhood takes me back to my first days or week of preschool. I, for whatever reason, was riddled with separation anxiety from my grandpa, who at the time, was not only my guardian, but my best friend as well. It was honestly a strange concept because I remembered each child that was dropped off by a family member or guardian, and their ability to immediately interact with children and toys around them after being dropped off. Anyways, my grandpa had to remain with me while I interacted with the other kids and I remember every time he made a futile attempt to sneak away, I would cry almost immediately. The whole process of me getting comfortable with everyone took around a week and, if I remember correctly, it wasn’t until that period was over that I was able to be without the presence of my grandpa. While this may be seen as an embarrassment to others or a questionable experience even, it was my first memorable taste of victory and success.

BE PATIENT

In hindsight, there are a number of general accomplishments that happen in our lives whether we realize this or not, not limited to but including learning to walk, to read, or even to use the toilet. While these events have transpired quite a period of time ago, it is important to recognize the amount of time and energy that went into being successful with these tasks. This brings me to the first attribute of being successful—learning to be patient. As cliche as it sounds, success is not something that happens over night. I say this because as a child, I believe that one of the traits many of us shared was not giving up easily and having the courage to attempt new activities, hence being able to effectively learn to verbally communicate, socially interact with others, etc. Speaking entirely for myself, I realized as I grew older, I saw a shift in how much quicker I would need to see results before deeming activities as worth the time. I saw while I was learning to be more patient with others, how impatient I was when it came to myself. The reason behind this is as I grew older, I learned more about myself. When I say learning more about myself, I mean understanding my goals, aspirations, likes, and dislikes. I mean having expectations for myself, which I hold to the highest standard. While it is so, so important to have goals and aspirations, this is a reminder to myself and everyone to be patient with not only the people around them but with themselves as well because success will come with time.

BE RESPECTFUL

When I was fifteen, I took on my first job at the PNE as a sweeper and this has been rewarding in every aspect. It was not the job duties itself that was monumental nor was there a life changing event that took my breath away. However, it taught me about the value of money (because your sweat translating to your first pay cheque is a woohoo moment), about consistency, and most importantly, about hard work. I then went on to pick up other work prior to the beginning of my software development career, including serving in a restaurant, working in retail, working in concession stands, and even working as a manager in my high school store. If you want to read more about where I interned or where I am currently working you can read more here. Needless to say, I would love to go into detail about each of my work experiences, but it would stray too far from the point I am trying to establish—learning to treat everyone you meet with respect and as an opportunity to learn. Being respectful is of great value and realizing that every person you meet can teach you something will never, ever hinder your growth. This is because the people you meet can teach you what to be and what not to be. I believe, every now and then, quite unintentionally, someone teaches you something about yourself. I say this because I remember serving at a restaurant and witnessing dishwashers being treated poorly by some servers. I remember there was a basket which was intended for the server to put their dirty dishes in. Some servers, out of laziness, would toss dishes that still had food remains into the said basket and remains or sauces would deflect back onto the dishwashers’ clothes or face, even. Of course, this was of the rarest occasions and, of course, the servers apologized but there was, without a doubt, a blatant disregard for the dishwasher. Had it been someone of a deemed, valuable position, I doubt the dishes would have been carelessly tossed into the basket. Yes, I am elucidating the impression that some people are condescending and mistreat others and yes, I am asking you to not behave in this manner because not only is it a backwards movement, but it hinders growth. It is beneficial to recognize the value of every person you meet and every experience that takes place because growth comes from reflection, and not from exuding negativity towards others.

BE CONFIDENT

The last trait I want to talk about is one I struggled with for a good period of time—being confident. I say this to the people that don’t believe they have what it takes to take themselves to the level they aspire to be to find the courage to do so. My prior anecdote about my preschool experience is a translation for the parts of my life where I honestly felt uncomfortable being under my own skin. Truth is, you have to put yourself in uncomfortable situations because these situations will eventually become comfortable to you. For example, take a look at typing with a keyboard. At one point in our lives, we probably used two index fingers and had trouble typing a complete sentence without looking up at the screen. After finishing the sentence, being slightly smug about it, and then looking at our screen again, we probably realized that we had mistyped. How uncomfortable. I understand that for some people, even getting out of bed and having basic conversation with others can be exhausting, but recognize that as long as you take baby steps to work on being comfortable with the uncomfortable, the confidence will eventually come! With that said, it is also important to recognize the difference between being arrogant and confident. As Vikram would say, “confidence, it’s the food of the wise man, but the liquor of the fool.”

There are many traits that can help lead one to success but those are the three I am trying to work on in the coming year and I know how cliche these traits are made out to be. Truth is, everything in life is cliche. The idea that you are very different from someone else is only true if you consider a decision tree, where each step or decision would alter the course of life. However, these branches very often intersect and lead to a similar path. Even the idea that you think you are different is not much different than the other millions of people that have shared this thought , and with that said, I truly believe anyone can feel or be successful regardless of how many bad branches that stemmed from their tree. I have digressed again but I believe success is intrinsic and can not be answered with some social status or some physical good. Success is ultimately looking in the mirror and liking what you see.