MY FAVORITE WORD
Balance. That is my favourite word. The term balance applies to a myriad of situations, and most ideas and activities, when thought about and done in balance, suggest a positive connotation. Living with balance – whether in passion, work, or relationships – is vital to the well-being of individuals. Without balance, our wants and needs can be compromised which, in turn, can affect our happiness.
WHERE PASSION FAILS
Contemporary society — myself included — often views passion as a positive term, among other things. However, if we follow the etymology of passion, it stems from Latin word patior, meaning to suffer. This directly corresponds to the all too familiar quote find what you love and let it kill you or to find what you love and suffer via your passion. Don’t get me wrong. Passion is not all bad. It demonstrates willpower and resilience. It, in the correct circumstances, can help with focus and growth too.
To have a better understanding of passion, let us first explore the two major schools of thought in passion (i.e. harmonious and obsessive) as per Les Passions de l’Ame. According to Les Passions de l’Ame, obsessive passion is developed with contingencies attached to the activity such as feelings of social acceptance or self-esteem, or because the sense of excitement derived becomes uncontrollable (Vallerand et Al, 2003). Harmonious passion, on the other hand, is developed without contingencies (Vallerand et Al, 2003).
If or when passion manifests to a point where the time and energy invested leads to the constant negligence of mental and physical health, family, or friends, then that passion has become obsessive. Oftentimes, this passion is directly linked to a reward system – money, promotion, fame, or social media followers even. When said passion blossoms, our mental image of self-worth becomes flawed because it is no longer the activity itself we value, but the opinions of others that fulfill us. This is directly linked to burning out.
The question that follows then is how to avoid obsessive passion and the answer would be to maintain balance or harmony. Cultivating harmonious passion does not result in burning out as it does not take you away from yourself. Rather, it acts as an extension to who you already are. Reason being is the engagement of the activity stems from simple love for the activity and not some metric or external validation. This is not to say you do not see metrics or external validation in harmonious passion, but these are not the driving factors behind it. When an activity is done with harmonious passion, walking away from said activity is possible if it has become toxic. As such, passion with balance is better than passion without.
WHERE WORK FAILS
Balance in work is important. Work stress is ubiquitous across all industries and work has or will take up a huge portion of your life. Fortunately for me, one of my passions (i.e. computer science) is incorporated into my work (i.e. software development). I do, however, know people who have chosen majors and careers from the influence of friends and family. As soon as they finish, they feel empty because they think now what? Maybe they aren’t wrong to think that – I don’t know. What I do know is the importance of taking a balanced set of courses, rather than just those in your major.
The course(s) might not end up as a passion. But it might. Either way, it’s worth trying. I mean, in my fourth year, I took my first gender studies course – the interdisciplinary exploration of multiple intersections between gender and (neo) colonialism, racism, poverty, ableism, and heterosexism in a globalized world. Although the material itself was interesting, I did not enjoy the course work as much as I thought I would. It did however, provide me with a much needed break from my software development work. So despite the material not being that of which I wanted to delve deeper into, it gave me a better clarification for what I enjoyed and did not enjoy. Therefore, for me, the course was worth taking.
Okay, so suppose you are lucky and find passion in your work. The next most common step is to hone applicable skills for that promotion. And the next step after that? Develop yourself even further for another promotion, probably. That is where the problem rises because climbing the corporate ladder comes with a price and sometimes, the trade-off is not worth its while.
To remain impartial, let me address both the positive and negatives. Some positives include a cushier lifestyle, more responsibilities and enjoyment in your work, and less worries about struggling financially to make ends meet. Some negatives include higher expenditure (if lifestyle changes are made), more stress (if more responsibilities are handled), and less personal time (if promotion requires longer hours). I could go on, but ultimately, if or when the investment into work changes too much of your pre-existing life too fast, problems can arise. So yeah, balance in work is pretty important.
WHERE RELATIONSHIPS FAIL
Let me begin by saying that relationships are difficult. For me, even maintaining connections with friends is hard, let alone a significant other. As a result, my social circle has become smaller and smaller over the years. One of the reasons is a shift in personal interest – when I was younger I found myself coming home in the morning quite often. While most people were getting ready to start their day, I was ending mine. Now, I tend to sleep at 10:30 - 11:00 PM and wake up at 6:00 - 6:30 AM. Don’t get me wrong, I still enjoy a night out on occasion. But I prefer to be at home, in my bed, before the morning now. The second reason is that many of my friends have joined the workforce and some have moved cities even. As a result, it has become harder to keep up with everyone.
With that said, there seems to be an apparent pattern for maintaining friendships and relationships. The pattern is that nothing should be forced – that both parties have their share of push and pull. Let me share a story to attest to the veracity of that statement. There was a time in my life when I was eager to be in a relationship. Very eager. It started off great. I messaged constantly and tried to keep text conversations going to show how much I cared. But for some reason, the more that I tried, the less the affection was reciprocated. It took me a while to understand that I was trying too hard. And that never works. Needless to say, there is a difference between trying too hard and putting in an effort. An example of the former is neglecting too much of your life to chase a relationship and an example of the latter is understanding your value but still listening and responding thoughtfully when needed.
This is not to say that a relation or friendship can’t be ninety percent on one end and ten percent on the other. Just not all the time. Sometimes, friends have rough periods in their life and need more affection. And that's okay. Perhaps, one of the most valuable commodities a person could offer another is a continuum of unconditional care. Simply being there for them. Listening to them. Telling them that it is going to be okay, even when it might not be. Perhaps, that is something many of us overlook. I don’t know though – I’m still trying to find balance in my own life. But I think I’m learning. And that’s pretty sweet.